I am looking for SUITABLE employment. Please let me know if you can employ me (suitably).

Really I just need to have a bit of money but not work at Coles because I’ll have a panic attack.

I will tolerate a small amount of exploitation and/or abuse if it means I just don’t really have to do stuff that’s very hard or get stressed or talk to strangers or be trusted with much responsibility or have strict deadlines and if I can just spend a lot of time looking at Italian G pics that will be ideal.

Also, please don’t make me answer the phone or be a social media whizz or “liaise” or be a team player.

Skills and Strengths

  • google

  • opening tabs

  • closing tabs

  • clickin’ links

  • spacebar

  • command + shift + T

  • command + T

  • command + F


  • emails (giving and receiving)

  • sites (www.pigeonsandotherthings.com)

  • VIDZ (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_0-UbIbNwj3kmN-SoIILMw)

  • sick tracks (https://soundcloud.com/smallgreatdane)

  • long, healthy fingernails (scratch encrusted things off saucepan, headscratch etc.)

  • put things in the bin on your behalf and/or go in the bin

  • wear bin bag dress (purple)

  • arrange healthy snacks into colourful and enticing formation

  • talks about pigeons/Italian Greyhounds

  • hair

  • smile/laugh (genuine)

  • trackpad

  • mouse

  • spelling (horse/hoarse etc.)

  • draw


  • command + X

Previous Work Experience

Sold a man my socks for $15. I don’t know why he wanted them because he already had socks but it was EASY and I had more socks at home anyways. I must be a good businesswoman because I bet those socks were only worth about 50 cents!


If you email me I will give you my mum’s number and she’ll tell you how good I am at drawing and she will probably tell you to take a multivitamin.