Most people like enjoying things, and it’s usually good if you can enjoy at least some of your life. Believe it or not, there are ways you can enjoy several moments (or more!) of each day, which is pretty cool and probably worth knowing about. Here are five tips I came up with from personal experience and just thinking about it for a bit.

Tip #1: Drink a Coffee Near Some Pigeons

Anecdotal science shows that drinking a coffee while looking at pigeons can induce something called a pigeon rush, which is when the perfect shape of a pigeon enters your eye through the pupil, travels up your optic nerve, and reacts with the caffeine in your system to make you MEGA PUMPED.

The effects of a pigeon rush can last for several hours, and during this time I am smiling and laughing and talking loudly about pigeons and ideas that I have. People have to remind me not to walk in front of cars because I’m almost insane with pigeon-induced joy and I’ve got so much to do!

Of course, the strength of the pigeon rush will depend on how much coffee you drink and how many/what kind of pigeons you’re exposed to. Fresh, fat pigeons that spin around provide the biggest rush, whereas scrawnier pigeons may only provide a half-strength rush. You can compensate for that by having a double shot of espresso in your coffee.

Tip #2: Smile at a Dog

Ever noticed that dogs are always smiling? This is because dogs are incapable of experiencing negative emotions and can thus only fluctuate between varying levels of euphoria.

Returning a dog’s smile is one of the quickest and easiest ways to experience enjoyment, even if you’re in the middle of thinking about how you’re tainted and can never be untainted and the serious implications of that. In fact, dogsmilers have been known to live longer than non-dogsmilers and are less likely to engage in self-destructive behaviour such as becoming a homeless crackhead prostitute on purpose. Just make sure to always match the dog’s euphoria level when returning a dogsmile. If a dog gives you a mildly euphoric smile, you should offer a mildly euphoric smile in return. If a dog smiles blissfully at you, the best thing to do is return the blissful smile with 100% enthusiasm.

You can practise mild, medium, and blissfully euphoric smiles in the bathroom mirror or—if you’re pressed for time—in the rearview mirror on the way to work. You can also test them out on your colleagues when passing them in the corridor or while standing at the water cooler. The next time you walk past a grinning greyhound, you’ll be more than prepared!

If you’re fortunate enough to live near a dog park, you could potentially smile at several dogs in a short space of time, which could make your existence up to 70% more bearable for an entire day. I’ve spent many an afternoon standing near the dog park with my jaw clenched in a determined smile, and my life has improved significantly.

Just be aware that dogsmiling—while not physically addictive—is self-limiting in that you do build up a tolerance over time and this is not something you can rely on in the long-run.

Tip #3: Watch Comedy Vids on the Net

The purpose of comedy and gags and jokes is to make you laugh and distract you from your very terrible and weird thoughts that aren’t normal. Fortunately we live in an age where you can find clips and vids of comedy on Youtube or just by checking sites around the net. From what I understand, the positive effects of watching comedy (i.e. not hating yourself) can last up to 20 minutes after initial viewing. This is because laughing causes certain chemicals to be released in the body, and these chemicals help you to remember that sometimes things are fine.

Also, jokes and gags help you to take yourself less seriously and remind you that sometimes stuff is funny and it’s all fine and SO WHAT if you think your most private thoughts somehow manifested on a USB stick that you just gave to your friend—along with the pics and vids from Jane’s birthday party—and he’s probably reading thought-3069.txt right now and then he will email it to his friend and they’ll laugh and then his friend (who doesn’t know or care about me) will upload it to the internet, where it will stay forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

I don’t give ONE DARN.

(But just to be safe: make sure you wipe your USB stick at least 10 times before giving it to your friend).

Tip #4: Eat a 12-Pack of Caramello Koalas

Sometimes you’re just having a really bad day and the only way you’re going to snatch up a few brief moments of enjoyment is to buy a 12-pack of Caramello Koalas and plough your way through those K-boys as fast as possible. Don’t feel bad that the packet says “share me”—you are in a dark place and right now the only person you need to share with is yourself. Love yourself and eat 12 K-bears ASAP. But never call them bears, because they’re not. They’re koalas and most of them have Koala Chlamydia (the chocolates are clean though).

The science is that chocolate is tasty and makes you feel good for a moment, which is the important thing. Also, for women chocolate has a chemical interaction so there’s a real medical reason you might stop hating yourself for a bit and just enjoy your life or at least just enjoy the taste of that sweet, gooey marsupial.

Tip #5: Just Laugh for No Reason

A quick, easy thing you can try is just forcing yourself to laugh. Even if the tears of sadness and despair are streaming down your cheeks, pump out a few agonising guffaws and if you’re lucky these empty, hollow laughs may become filled with genuine enjoyment and mirth. Sometimes I fake-laugh for several hours before any genuine laughs bubble to the surface, and usually at that point I can’t stop. I just laugh and laugh and laugh until I pass out in a pile of empty Caramello Koala packets. If you do this, chances are you’ll strain your stomach muscles and wake up in pain, which might offset the enjoyment of the laughter. It’s up to you to strike a balance!

I hope you enjoyed this TOP 5 article and feel confident that—through using some or all of these methods—you can enjoy each day as much as possible. If you would like me to come into your house and provide in-depth, personalised coaching, that would be cool but I don’t have time. Sorry!